Morning all, and welcome to another week! It hasn't been the most eventful of weeks. I have mainly spent it working, sunning and deciding what mixers go well with gin. Answer: all.
Anxiety is the highest it has been for a little while (probably since starting CBT a year ago) for various reasons that I don't think I can discuss on the blog. One being work, one being family/personal and one being house issues. None of them are going to be resolved quickly so it is a matter of accepting that I will feel anxious for the foreseeable and managing the feelings and thoughts. This is something that you learn how to do in CBT but it can be quite hard to remember and implement it when it's just you and your own mind. The same mind that is giving you the anxious thoughts in the first place. One thing I do when anxious is clean! It is good for releasing pent up adrenaline energy, it's mindless enough that it can be done on autopilot, but can require enough concentration to stop the mind from wandering. Especially if listening to the best of 80s soundtrack.
Skipping to Wednesday as nothing really happened on Mon/Tues apart from work. We are looking after Geoff whilst my sister is away on holiday. Whilst I don't mind it, the two of them together are an absolute nightmare. All day, all night. And right now, I just don't need sleepless nights, barking, play fighting and trying to remember which has peed or pooped! Atticus loves having geoff here though, and watching them play is cute (when they do indoor voices).
One thing that has definitely helped my mood this week was the weather! Whilst I am a winter baby, and love the cold weather. I do also enjoy grabbing a book and sitting in the sun for a few hours. Another thing I decided on is quitting instagram for a while. I took this pic to put on instagram...
..the roses were bought for me for my 30th and had finally come out, and I was sat enjoying the sun. After taking it, editing it and uploading it, I just thought "why?". I mean, out of all the shit I have put on insta, this rose pic had some meaning behind it. This wasn't one of those pics that I had spent 20 mins arranging flower petals or some crap, it was taken whilst enjoying the moment. But the sense of "I must edit and upload this now so people know I am enjoying the moment" just seemed stupid and pointless and meant I was no longer enjoying the moment.
I have mentioned before that I don't particularly enjoy instagram anymore. Most of the larger accounts I follow are all same same same. Curated peonies in jam jars, white cotton and Diptyque (we are all guilty of it). And there is nothing wrong with that. It's just not for me anymore. I want to start using instagram to capture my life, not to please potential brands. And at the crux of it, that's what insta has become for many. Money.
I am still on there for So You're Getting Married insta account, and I enjoy uploading pretty pictures of weddings from the blog etc because if I am being honest, I have to, and there isn't much thought that goes on behind the photos.
I will still use the Simply Weekend instastories to let you know when there is a new blog post up, as this is still new and people may not be aware, I will also upload to stories if I am venturing anywhere new for my exposure therapy. But everything else will be blogged here!
As the week progressed, my glum mood did also. I bailed on my usual Friday night fun in favour of Big Brother and Love Island. Friday night we went to sleep promising each other we were going to go to the gym Saturday morning...
Wellllll. We woke up at 9am, but as it was already 23C, the idea of squeezing my body in to black lycra was enough to say no. We decided to enjoy the sun, and then if we felt like it...go on a Saturday evening (lol we both knew it wasn't happening). Thank you so much for the gym tips by the way, especially Annéka. I think I am going to start with just getting there, then a little cardio.
I let the dogs out first thing for their morning patrol of the perimeters but then kept them indoors till 7ish, when rather than the gym we went to the park with them. Still exercise isn't it!
I want to go to the gardens that are at the top of Roundhay park but when we arrived around 8ish they were closed, Miller promised to bring me back on Sunday so we could have a look. Anxiety felt better after a walk in the sun. We went to bed promising ourselves we would go to the gym in the morning...
Well, it was just too warm again! Who in their right mind who start eh gym on the hottest day of the year when they could be in loose fitting linen in the sunshine? Another day spent in my neighbours garden being fed olives and gin till the sun slid behind the house. Bath, a cool down and then we went up to the gardens. It was still so warm, and a few too many people about for my liking but I enjoyed the flowers and water features.
It was a lovely walk followed by a picnic style dinner whilst watching Dallas Buyers Club. We have owned this film for agessssss and never got round to watching it. So glad that we finally did. I can't even begin to imagine what it was like for him going through 90s AIDs stigmas and facing all the governmental challenges he did, but being given 30 days to live then living for 7 years proved what he was doing (sans hookers, cocaine and booze) was right. (trying not to give too much away!)
So this leads us to another week! I am finishing this off whilst sat in the sunshine fully expecting the laptop to tell me it is too hot soon. Have I missed instagram? Not at all. It has been lovely not worrying about stats, numbers, followers and if things will make for a good shot. I have been enjoying my moments, and my mind feels a little less cluttered of social media woes.
There are no huge plans for the week, we are off to a new Japanese restaurant on Wednesday, and we are planning our trip down to Stamford soon. I hope you are well. Let me know how you feel about instagram?