Yeah so the last edit was the 19th of November, forgive me…December has been crazy busy so far mixed with festive cheer and a sort of melancholy. Its been weird. So shall we just start with the happy news? Sister’s surgery went well and she is now cancer free. Woo!
I had such good intentions for blog posts over December, I wanted to do some gift guides, my favourite decorations, how it feels to be mother less for the first christmas, all sorts but I just haven’t had the time because my paid SYGM and insta work has taken priority this month which is such a shame but I am hoping I can make amends as the month rolls in to the New Year.
So yes, the 26th had mixed emotions. In the lead up to it I was dreading the day because it would have been mums 57th and we were waiting for results about Lili. It was either going to be a day for celebration or one for burrowing in to the sofa amongst chocolate and Doritos to reappear some time around January 3d.
To mark mum’s birthday I knew I wanted to do something for it and as we couldn’t all be together as a family I decided to send my nana, uncles, dad and sister a cherry tree. Hoping that by the Spring it will be in bloom. Mum died in the Spring but it was also her favourite time of year so I hoped the tree would give everyone something beautiful to enjoy. I was using a company called Primrose who I gave a months notice to help me and at the last minute told me there were no trees in stock so I contacted a company called Gardening Express who were amazing and helped me get 7 trees all sent out to different addresses with 2 days notice. So if you need any plants etc then please use them because they were fab!
Everyone received their trees in time and said how lovely it was, so that made me feel good about the day. Thankfully my sisters appointment was early so I set my alarm and text her whilst she was on the way there then got the phone call we had been hoping for! Cancer free! My anxiety had been so high and worked up about it that I kind of thought as soon as I heard it would all melt away but it didn’t. And it took about a week to come down to my new normal of ‘elevated’ but I knew it was the positive news we needed to end the year.
As we moved in to December my focus then changed to getting the house dressed for the festive season, usually we have a Christmas party and whilst I really want to, I know that it will just add too much stress that my frazzled brain can’t handle right now so we cancelled and I am only attending 1 party this year! We needed to get a tree before Dec 1st for some insta work so we went hunting for one and finally found somewhere locally to buy a little 3ft one for this image…
I had taken on a few ads this month, mainly because more work has come in for this time of year but also I wanted some extra pennies to spend on my family this Christmas. The ad work seems to have gone down well so far as I was worried it may bomb but both the Lily’s Kitchen and Gousto has had positive reactions. I’ve got one left with a mortgage company then thats it. I know I would be curious so I will just talk about it, I get between £200 - £280 per insta post and a few stories. Some I have to buy props for (like the tree) others they provide everything (like Gousto) - it has definitely been eye opening for me, and it’s nothing like the world of blogging. There’s no negotiating on price and the payment seems to be around 30-60 days whereas with SYGM I get paid upfront to write blog posts. A learning curve for sure!
Ok so the house as it stands. Christmassy as shit! In the new year we are going to start back up on the decorating front but until then this is how we are looking:
As I am writing this I have Im A Celeb on (really hope Harry wins). I haven’t started my Christmas shopping and I sat down to write cards but had a meltdown after writing my first card to dad with out mum on there. Anxiety wise I am doing ok, I have daily headaches because I am constantly clenching my jaw and have cracked a few teeth, my stomach ulcers are flaring up but I am sleeping well finally! Swings and roundabouts hey? I function so much better on good sleep so that has been important getting right. The blog/work is going really well so that has kept me distracted and given me much needed purpose everyday.
I’ve been trying to keep up on my exposure therapy and go out on the weekends - mainly for gin…
Would you still like a gift guide? Is it too late now? Have you all done your shopping? I would deffo add this gin to the list if you’re still looking - link here!
I have been wandering the new neighbourhood checking out the Christmas displays, there are some great ones so far. I have also been enjoying doing some jigsaws and colouring. I haven’t been pushing myself socially which is something I do need to do. I am doing vlogmas this month which is going OK so far, I have the next one to edit and upload to hopefully go up tomorrow. If you are so inclined you can watch here.
I hope you are well, I hope December is going well for you! I am going to get some blog post up this week so hopefully you can forgive me absence.