Ok, so it has been a little while and whilst I went quiet on social media I have been doing stuff! I'll do a brief recap of the past few weeks then I've got some more interesting topics to talk about which I will categories in to topics, it will make sense as the post goes on. I am currently sat on the floor of the roof terrace, cross legged and basking in the last hour of sunshine we get up here. Atticus is rolling in bird shit and Michael is watching the football.
3 weeks ago ish.
I was nearly 100% sure I wasn't going to go to a networking event. I went about my day as if I were, washed, dressed, selected an outfit, made sure Michael was ready on time...but in my head I was like "I really don't want to go, I don't have to go, ok I won't go". Next thing I knew, I was in the car heading to North Yorkshire...
One thing through my whole 'grief journey' that I wanted to work on was not letting myself slip with my exposure therapy and my travel anxiety. I know that mum wouldn't have wanted that so I have been trying my hardest recently to really push myself. Well, I nailed it. I networked, I saw a gorgeous venue and came away with pretty flowers.
That weekend, out of the blue I slipped in to what I would describe as depression and the following week was the lowest I'd felt since mum died. I had an additional factor in that Michael was going to Boston, US land for 2 weeks from the 16th-29th July. I couldn't see myself coping with my current mental state alone, with my 'safe person' across an ocean. My mood got lower and the Friday before he left I don't think I have cried that much since I got the phone call that mum only had a few weeks left to live. I had no idea what triggered this mood but I knew the only person that could help me was myself. Love a cliche.
I decided to give social media a miss for a couple of weeks and just do things that made me happy. Not because I felt obliged to, had to or pressured to, but because I wanted to. I set myself little projects and goals to do whilst Michael was away, I text some friends to let them know how I was feeling and I focussed on getting my shit back together.
I painted the bathroom, the chest in the living room, sorted the utility, put up shelves, put up a gallery wall, bought things and sorted the roof terrace, read, watched TV, watched films, sunbathed and listened to podcasts, replied to a scarce amount of emails (more on this later) ate well, but also ate what I wanted and when I wanted. Michael being away, it turned out was a little bit of a blessing in disguise. If I wanted a food shop I had to rely on friends to take in me in their car, which I haven't done before!
I finally bit the bullet and posted something to instagram, kind of brushing aside the fact I had been absent, a few people had messaged in this time just to check in with me which I really appreciated.
I have done the bare minimum to get by over the last couple of weeks. You may read this and be thinking "oh well thats great you could just take that time off, not all of us can do that". I totally get it. But it has meant that for June I have made no money. Not a single penny. Which will knock on in to July as I didn't reply to advertising enquiries, send invoices etc. I am super behind and now I have work guilt as I try and catch up. I have a super fun event I am hosting on Friday for work which I totally forgot about but thankfully all is being sorted in time! Just means I have to get the house in order.
Rebecca went on her penultimate trip for SYGM, we have one last visit to Italy in September then I will need someone to take over her role. I announced this on insta and I couldn't believe the response, my inbox is even more terrifying now but a document will be sent out to everyone who emailed tomorrow ( I needed to shrink it as it was too big to bulk send out). If you want details please email me phoebe(at)soyouregettingmarried.com. I need someone to start at the latest October as we have Thailand and Japan on the cards for end of 2018 beginning of 2019.
Work (This one)
Just as this blog was getting some momentum I kind of stopped blogging. I kept communication with the brands that wanted to work with me so hopefully I can resume everything this week. I have an inbox full of emails from brands like Daniel Wellington and Hello Fresh, which whilst I am sure they're great I turned down as I personally didn't feel that inspired by the content they wanted me to make.
I actually, and have no idea why, vlogged my time off so that will be edited after Love Island tonight and uploaded in the next few days. If you'd like to catch up you can subscribe here.
Ugh. Do not use Swoon Editions. I ordered a side board we were going to use under the TV, it was £650, it arrived completely battered and evident it had been broken and fixed really shoddily. The delivery company (separate to Swoon) said that was the 3rd shit piece they had delivered that day. The quality is abhorrent, especially for the price. Plus side, customer service was good and they collected and gave money back within 2 days. Its all smart marketing. The actually produce is dire.
I repainted the bathroom and bought a cute octopus print. We have FINALLY purchased terrace furniture and I just hope it arrives in time for Friday. Michael has also bought a tonne of stuff to turn the newly tidy beautiful utility in to a home gym....not impressed but I guess this is kind of his house too. We need to do the roof before Autumn. But ya know, we also need pretty things too.
Things I have been loving in June:
- Small Town Murder podcast
- Dark Poutine podcast
- Grace & Frankie
- Ru Pauls Drag Race S10 (not linking this as I dont want to see who has won yet!)
- Neom Scent to Sleep hand balm
- Old Jamaica Ginger Beer
- Gluten Free Bakewell Tarts
- Diptyque Roses candle
- Bird Watching, I have a heron that flies over at 9.30 every night and he's magnificent.
- We're Alive - a zombie 'theatre for the mind' podcast
- This fan for keeping me cool at night
- Everyone sending me pics on insta of their pet with their favourite toy
- Uncle Benns microwave rice - I basically lived off this whilst Michael was gone.
- get on top of work
- attend a wedding
- increase SYGM social media following
- keep to a blog and vlog schedule
- book mine and Lili's tattoo
- book a mini break away somewhere
- take more photos on my dslr
- take up running/jogging/speed walking...ha
- cook more
Michael arrived back home on Friday and has the next few days off, we have caught up on some TV, had a lovely BBQ and planned our next few projects for the house. Whilst I was absolutely bossing life during his absence I am SO happy he his home it's nice to have the company, Atticus, whilst adorable is shit at chatting. I hope you've been doing ok? And you forgive me for my absence, as of today, July 1st, I am feeling in a much happier mood, much more content and a little calmer with my anxiety. Thank you so much if you messaged, text or popped round over the last few weeks, whilst I have felt lonely at times I knew I was never truly alone and my support network has been amazing.