This week seemed to have flown by, nothing major happened this week. I didn’t have an exposure/anxiety breakthroughs, I didn’t really go anywhere but I still worked on myself and my bubble. This time next week we will be dressed to the nines, sipping sangria and enjoying the Love Island final on the roof terrace. Pray for sunshine!
Monday - I am not a Monday fan, many people are like “woo new week new me”. Im like ugh there is a WHOLE week to go. I’ve always felt this way and I think it dates back to being at boarding school and waiting to go home on the weekend, then getting that Sunday dread. Thankfully I don’t have Sunday dread but I do get a little itchy with a whole week to try and be my productive and active best self then get a little down if I haven’t smashed it all by Wednesday.
Tuesday - Lol. So. This was a very stressful day but one we knew would one day be funny. I was at a friends house and her partners new tv arrived. We decided to set it all up for him, after being explicitly told not to. Long story short. We turned it on and the screen was buggered. We then had to run around printing return receipts, calling amazon, finding screwdrivers for stuck screws all before he got home from work. Thankfullllly its all sorted now but my god. That was sweaty. We have learnt our lesson.
Wednesday - In a bid to smash my goals I decided to tackle the 500 odd emails that are in my inbox, we worked out (me and insta maths skills) it would take 16 hours to clear. Drastic measures were taken and I deleted any email that didn’t start with my name. Im sure they will email again if its important, and really I work in weddings and lifestyle…it is never life or death.
I actually got a good deal of my work done, closed up some loose ends and accepted the house to be in a furniture photo shoot in a couple of weeks.
Thursday - I hadn’t really done anything exposure wise so decided to walk further than last week and managed it. It wasn’t anxiety free, I got to a corner and stood for about 5 mins before walking on. I walked to the next corner then came back so this coming week I have something further to beat. My therapist said anything is better than nothing so that is the approach I am taking.
Friday - So, I am hosting a Love Island final party on monday and the dress code was set as neon/love island appropriate. Well after visiting the various sites advertised during the show (boohoo, I saw it first, missguided) I found myself a lovely neon green lace bodice and skirt. I did not realise the lace body would be pure see through. Lord knows what I am going to do. But the earrings fit so that was a good thing.
Saturday - Michael and I were feeling a bit cold/flu/viral manky but the day picked up around 3pm when we got a visit from brand new shiny new arrival Zelda, the prettiest little fox terrier. Puppies make everything better and spending time with little balls of fluff definitely sets some happy hormones off in my brain. My mother in law is getting a retriever pup in a couple of weeks too which she will be breeding from so more puppies on the horizon.
After all the excitement we had a quick dinner and then I set up outside to watch a film. I probably say it about several spaces in our house but the roof terrace is my favourite place. And it is still so naked, I’ve got so many plans for it but they are on hold till we sort the bathroom. I want to put up some higher fencing, get a bar built, a pergola and some heating and lighting. It would be amazing if we could use the space when its sunny all year round. We watched Green Book, oh it was so good. Michael went to the cinema to see it and said how good it was so I was looking forward to it. Lots of relevant messages. Amazing acting and a lovely soundtrack.
Sunday - On the back of my sharing us toasting marshmallows on the terrace someone messaged me on insta saying “I am in love with the life you have created for yourself”. I thought about this probably much longer than was intended by the sender. This is something I have spoken about at length with Michael, that I have this kind of guilty or awkward feeling when someone sends me or compliments the house. I don’t know why. I don’t know where it comes from. I can’t really explain the feeling. But that message made me think not oh thats lovely thank you (though that is what I said because I know no malice as meant) but more like “am I coming across boastfully?” being more like “look at my house, my super roof terrace, look at all my gin, my perfectly manicured dog”. Do you want my life? Because whilst the things in it are lovely, I would give it all up in a heartbeat to be able to go on a plane, hell, to go on a train to Scotland without anxiety would be life changing.
And this is not me shitting on people that message and say “i love xyz” because cmon, thats why I post pictures of my lovely living room but I am always posting with a chunk of gratitude behind it. I share as much shit in my life as much as the good stuff and I would hate to think I make it come across as all shiny and magical and wonderful in the Miller Villa because really, its not. Is it ever?
Of course, we are still on agapanthus watch. When will they pop?! I know you are here for this content. And I love people sending me pictures of theirs (usually whilst on holiday and huge).
Have a lovely week. Oh…one more thing. The vlogs are coming back.