Phoebe Miller1 Comment

The Weekend Edit #62

Phoebe Miller1 Comment
The Weekend Edit #62

Well hello!

I assume you follow me on instagram already and will know how this week turned out. The most important thing was Ed Sheeran, and spoiler…I made it there.

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Work was a bit full on last week hence the little gap in posts. We had a photoshoot here, I rent the house out for tv/film/brands etc and a lovely furniture company rented the house for the day to shoot some of their new rustic pieces. It was a lot more intense than previous shoots and I am not entirely sure 15 people moving my house around from 9 till 6 is for me but it was a good experience.

That week went without much of a hitch and by the weekend it was chill time! I carried on my walking exposure therapy ahead of Ed Sheeran on the Friday and Saturday and on Sunday we went to a friends for a roast which was delicious and it was so nice to be cooked for (given my annoying dietary requirements). I took my favourite cake along and the aga didn’t screw me over, it turned out well!

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Monday - on monday evening I opened my first mental health / anxiety chat on insta. The new feature allows 32 people to join a secret group and message each other. I used it for Love Island but thought it would be good to put the power of insta to good use and set something up to help fellow anxious people. I contacted my friend Hannah who is a GP and happens to be very active on social media, gived Ted talks etc so knew she would be perfect. We opened up questions regarding medication, what to expect from an appointment where you’d like to broach your mental health and much more. It went down so well we planned another for the Wednesday. I went over to Hannahs and we drank gin whilst talking to lots of lovely humans who are having a hard time, or know someone who is.

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Tuesday - we had the roofer out. You may have seen on insta but well a little ( a lot) of water flood the house during some heavy thundery downpours. Well Mr Roofer came out and basically told us we need £12k worth of new roofing and pointing done to make it all watertight. Yeah soooo. Not sure what to do about that really. He cleared out the guttering and removed trees and all sorts so hopefully that will help short term…maybe I won’t get a new bathroom for a while yet. I caught up with a friend and we sorted our lives out over a coffee in the sun which was wonderful.

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Wednesday - I finally walked the furthest I have done in a very long time in to the park, when I came round a corner I saw all the lorries and fencing for the Ed Sheeran and had an anxiety attack. I can’t put my finger on exactly what it was but hopefully we will work it out in therapy this week. Michael came and picked me up and I went home pleased with how far I walked but feeling a little defeated. That evening we did our second mental health chat with Dr Hannah and it went really well. I found it helpful and I think others did too, we discussed supporting friends and family through mental health issues, what being on certain meds feels like and how they work and what to do about holiday and travel anxiety. I also mentioned afterwards on my insta that you don’t need to see a GP to get a referal for therapy, you can self refer using IAPT (sadly not Scotland).

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Thursday - Ok so this is where we take a little step backwards as anxious Phoebe steps forward. I was getting so nervous for the gig. I was catasrophising everything and I really tried not to but my brain kept going “yeah but 80000 people Phoebs…thats A LOT of people”. I took the take off to kind of self soothe and decide whether I was actually going to go. I was too anxious to even do some walking exposure which obvs didn’t help. I watched 13 Ghosts and took photos of the garden.

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Friday - ARGH. No sleep AT ALL. Tried to nap mid morning and I managed to on and off but by about 1 I just needed to get up and get on. I folded laundry, its one of my go tos in the house as it always needs doing. My tummy then decided to start real funny about life so I popped a buscopan and listened to some true crime. I also had arranged for a random girl off insta to come and park in my drive. So I was reading through the hashtag for the gig and saw a 15 year old girl who also has anxiety and was worried about getting up early and driving over from Manchester to get to the car park then ya know have to deal with the gig so I just messaged her and offered her family our drive space with a short walk in to the park. She accepted and I waited for them to arrive in the afternoon which was actually a nice distraction. The weather by the way was TORRENTIAL at this point and I was like ugh this is gonna make things interesting. I also was umming and ahhing about if I wanted to go.

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They arrived, parked up, used the loo after being stuck in traffic for hours then off they went. It was now my turn to get ready, I had a bath and tried to watch new Mindhunter but he was talking about panic attacks and I was like, not right now thank you so boshed some Friends on. I got ready slowly, the clouds started to lighten and the rain started to calm down. We left at about 7.30 and met the rest of our party at the entrance at 8.15 ish. The queuing was something I was really worried about, the feeling of being trapped in a queue was a no go so on the walk there I was just building that up. I started crying about 4/5ths in to the walk and through the barriers, some lovely ladies stopped me to ask if I was ok. I explained I was freaking out and they let me stand under the shelter and calm down before submerging ourselves in the mud and the crowd.

The mud added a fun element for a short while, people were slipping and sliding everywhere, but as the rain continued and then stopped and my body stopped sweating so much I got really cold and my legs were tired and there was no where to sit down.

image | Zachary Walters during Bloodstream

image | Zachary Walters during Bloodstream

This kind of all melted away when Ed started playing, now I am not saying our ginger pal is a panacea to anxiety but the distraction of singing loudly to some songs in a field was pretty amazing, oh and did I mention with 80000 people? I think my brain was more in awe of it all rather than it being intimidating. I loved the gig, I wish I could go again tomorrow. We left a little early to beat the muddy crowds and get warmed up. We came home, ate sausages sandwiches and I waited to say goodbye to my new pal who drove back over to Manchester.

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Saturday - I was so pumped that I couldn’t sleep the night before so ended up having about 4 hours and getting up around 8ish. I did some chores, met a friend for a little dog walk, watched a couple of films, lazed in bed then waiting for some friends to come over who were seeing Ed that night and were parking in our driveway. We all hung out after the gig and I went to bed very tired and slept soundly for 12 hours! 12!!! It was a miracle.

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Sunday - a dog walk, some pasta, a few war films and lots of oreos make for a damn good Sunday and just what I needed.

So there you go, my wonderful week full of friends, dogs, smashing goals, helping people and occasionally sitting down to do some work. This week looks to be pretty boring in comparison but Michael and I are talking about what my next challenge should be, I had to remind him I still can’t conquer Tesco easily so lets start back there first…!